I'm sane just ignore the knife behind my back
by Heaven Or Hell
Summary: Oh, how surprised he was when he answered the door and saw me standing there. Expecting someone else, Sasuke? Oh, how even more surprised he was when I burst trough, slamming the knife in his chest.


**I'm back! I actually wrote this a while ago when I was… having problems… lol. I tried to focus harder on my grammar and spelling. If you see anything I missed, then… Idk… Feel free to tell me but I probably won't bother fixing it until later (if I fix it at all) **

It hurt me to see them together, holding hands, hugging, kissing. It killed me a little more each passing second he was with him. But I am happy for him.

I remember when it happened, when I first heard about it. It started with him, bursting into my room, arms swirling with excitement and joy. I don't think I've ever seem his smile so big and bright, and that's saying something considering the blond is hardly ever present without his toothy smile. He ran up to me, throwing his arms around my neck and jumping into my lap. I smile and blush happily as Naruto squeals and giggles in my arms. He was giggling so much; I barely understood the words escaping his perfect lips. "Sasuke finally asked me out!" My smile faded. Sasuke finally asked him out? It wasn't _too_ shocking for me to hear. I mean, Naruto has had a crush on Sasukes since I've known him and it was rumored that Sasuke had a thing for the blond as well. Therefore, it was only a matter of time before Sasuke finally came out. Naruto went on to tell me how Sasuke asked him out and where. He was so exited. I was happy for him, I really was, ecstatic even. Completely and utterly overjoyed.

Just ignore the snapped pencil held tightly in my hand and the large dark grey mark running across my paper.

Days went by after that. I've been seeing less and less of the hyperactive blond. When I did see him, he was with Sasuke. Holding hands and smiling. I never thought I would say this, but his smile seems brighter then ever. His eyes held a fondness I've never seen before. Naruto seems like a different person now that he is with him. He always used to carry this sadness with him. Even when he was smiling and laughing; all anyone else saw was a happy go lucky blond haired ball of energy; I sensed something else. I sensed a sad, dark atmosphere about him. He seemed… incomplete. Now… now though… he was different. That atmosphere was gone. He was complete and it was because of him, Sasuke. I wish I could have been the one to make him complete, but unfortunately I wasn't. Naruto will never see me that way. He even told me once that I was like a brother to him and that he felt he could share anything with me. I was happy he trusted me and saw me as a special person in his life, but heart broken he saw me as only a brother. I would do anything for Naruto, to get him to love me as more then just a brother. I would do anything for Naruto anyway, just to make him happy. If he asked me to walk out in the middle of the school hallway, butt ass naked and shove a rat up my ass, I'd do it. I'd do it for him, if it made him happy. I see movement in corner of my eye; I look over, Naruto was standing there, waving at me. I slowly raise my arm, waving back. He smiles before turning back to Sasuke, that brilliant smile crossing his features. He shyly waves at him as well, before turning and walking into his next classroom. He was so happy… and in turn, so was I. I was happy, I was.

Just ignore my nails digging into the palm of my hand.

Weeks pass. They walk side by side in the hallway, Sasukes arm draped over Narutos shoulder, Narutos hand in the back pocket of Sasukes tight jeans. What is so special about Sasuke anyway? Is it his raven colored hair that spiked in all the right places? Is it that super model face? His smooth skin that looked of silk? Is it his tight expensive clothes he always wears, showing off every curve, muscle, and bone in his prefect body? Is it his cool "I don't care what you think" badass attitude?… I could be like that if I wanted. I _could_ be like that if I _really_ wanted. I could wear tight clothes and be a badass. Yeah, that's what I 'm going to do. I'll just go buy some new clothes and maybe some hair glue too... Whom am I kidding? My body is far too small and malnourished to look good in tight clothes. I wear loose, baggy clothes to hide how sickly I really am. And it's not as if I can afford those kinds of clothes anyway. We barely have enough money to eat. If only I had a better family. If only my dad wasn't a drug head and my brother and sister didn't hate me. Maybe Naruto would love me then.

_They're hugging now. _My stomach drops, Naruto smiles shyly, Sasuke smirks knowingly. I'm happy for them, really I am.

Please ignore the tooth chipping in my month.

Months pass. I'm content right now, sitting next to Naruto, playing video games in his room. This is the first time in months that he has asked to hang out outside of school. It was nice; ignoring the fact the only reason he asked is because Sasuke was busy. Naruto was currently kicking my ass. Each time he wins a round, he screams, jumps up and throws the controller to the ground like a football and does the moonwalk. He was far better at video games than I am. My family is far too poor to afford things like video games, so I don't have much experience. Naruto pauses in mid moonwalk when there was a knock at the door. He glances towards the door before grabbing his controlling, pausing the game and hurrying out of the room to answer. I sit in silence for a few moments, waiting for Naruto to return. Suddenly I hear a loud squeal followed by a low chuckle. I peek around the corner to see what was going on and saw Naruto standing there with Sasuke, who was holding a tiny orange puppy. He was so happy as he reached up and took the dog from Sasukes arm, hugging it close to his chest as it happily wags its tail. "I called him Kitsune, because he reminds me of my little Kitsune," Sasuke says taking Narutos chin in his hand. My eyes widen, Narutos eyes close, Sasuke leans forward. I'm happy…

Please, ignore my nails breaking away from skin as they slowly dig into the doorframe.

I'm at school right now. It was lunchtime. I was sitting at a table with some of my friends. Friends in which I wouldn't have if it weren't for Naruto, who wasn't sitting with us anymore. He was sitting a few tables away with, who, you guessed it, Sasuke. I couldn't help but overhear every single last word they say to each other. I tapped a bandaged finger on the table as anxiety clung to my gut.

"_I love you"_

"_I love you too."_

"_I love you more."_

"_No, I love YOU more."_

"Gaara?"

"What!" I ask, jerking my head up in surprise. I'm met with a concern look on my friend Kibas face. "You don't look so goo-"

"I'm fine!"

Everyone is looking at me now. Worried, confused looks on all of their faces. "I'm fine," I repeat myself, more calm and slow. They share glances between each other, look of doubt and concern still present. "I'm fine," I repeated once more, this time in a whisper, as if trying to convince, not Kiba and the others, but myself. I'm fine, right? Nothings wrong with me. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. _I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. __**I'm fine. **_

Ignore the trail of blood running down my chin as my teeth rips the skin from my lip.

I'm sitting in the park; it was dark. I was on a swing, slowly rocking back and forth. Naruto and I use to come here a lot when we were bored and had nothing to do, usually when it was night and the children were gone. I've been here every night since Naruto and Sasuke started dating. I looked over at the empty swing next to me. A ghostly form of Naruto sits there, staring intensely at the ground. He notices me staring at him and looks up, smiling that big, goofy smile. I smile back, although not as big and excited as his. He reaches his hand out offering it to me. I look at it, slowly reaching my hand out to grab it, but as soon as I touch it, it disappears. I quickly look back up, no longer seeing Naruto there, just a lone swing. I sit there for a minute, watching the swing. I don't move or blink, or even breath. I just sit there, motionless, with my arm outstretched. I'm alone, sitting in the dark, alone, forever. Forever alone, without Naruto. Without my Naruto. Without _my _Naruto. Mine. Mine. MINE! A scream was heard, a loud, horrifying scream that echoed throughout the park. It took me a moment to realize where the scream came from.

I'm fine. Just ignore the burning in my throat and the tears streaming down my face.

I'm walking down in the hallway of the school. I was called to the office for some reason. I didn't do anything wrong, not recently anyway, so I have no idea what they want. I turn the corner, but stop once I hear something. "What about Naruto?" says a faint voice coming from behind me. I turn around, looking over at the boys' restroom. . I slowly walk up to it and push at it, finding it locked. How odd. I push my ear up to the door, listening. "Forget him, his not here." It was Sasuke. What was he doing? "But I thought you loved him."

"He can't satisfy ALL my needs. Not like you, Sakura." My eyes are wide. I slowly push myself off the door and back away from it. Why? Why? WHY? Why would he do this? Why would he need anyone else? He has Naruto. He has the most amazing person on this planet. Why would he need anyone else? WHY? I'm running now, down the hall, pass the office, pass the teacher yelling for me to stop, pass the exit.

I'm calm; just ignore the boiling _hate _in the pith of my stomach.

"You're a liar!" My whole body clenches at those words. I'm standing in the middle of Narutos room. Naruto was standing in front of me, eyes angry and full of tears. I open my mouth to ask why he would doubt me, but he interrupted me. "You're jealous! That's all!" I looked down. His words were true, yes, but so was mine. "I'm telling you the truth. Sasuke is nothing but a good for nothing chea-"

**Slap**

My eyes; now wide from shock, stare at the wall next to me. I slowly raise my hand to the burning sensation on my cheek. I look over at Naruto, meting his glaring eyes. I felt hurt, betrayed. "Naruto," I whisper. I feel like my body is going to crack. My eyes were burning. My heart broken. My stomach in knots. "You're just jealous I have Sasuke and you don't. You have no one and it'll probably stay that way." His words were harsh. Harsh and true…

I'm walking down the sidewalk. My face, emotionless. My steps, rickety. My body, shaky. My breathing, uneven. I take each step slowly and carefully. My body, at this point, is acting on it's on. My legs move, as if being pulled by string. I let it use me; control me. I usually resist this urge, this magnetic pull on my body. It always ends badly when I subside, but right now, I don't care. This pain in my chest is too much. Maybe letting it take me over, will stop this pain. Maybe.

"Gaara

Gaara

Gaara

GAARA."

"WHAT!" I yell, spinning around. No one is there. I'm all alone on this sidewalk. I go to turn back around, to continue walking, but I stop when I see a house. My eyes narrow, staring at the house. It was a big, beautiful white house, with flowers of all different colors surrounding it. The grass looked so green in the setting sun. There were lawn gnomes and plastic cranes scattered around the yard. A welcome mat sits on the porch and a decorated reef hanging on the door. I slowly take a step toward the house, a small smile playing across my face.

I'm sane; just ignore the knife behind my back

It's been a while since I felt like this. This feeling of power and control. I used to get this feeling all the time when I was younger. I would torture and kill small animals, like birds and cats; cutting and breaking off limbs, cracking every bone in their tiny bodies. It made me feel so alive. Then, I remember one day, I captured a little baby fox. It was so cute; those big black innocent eyes, staring up at me, whimpering and struggling… as I slowly break its legs. I remember hearing a screaming, right before being tackled to the ground. I looked up, ready to attack the one reasonable, but froze. The boy was glaring at me as he scooped up the wounded fox. He turned and ran away. I found out later that the boy lived only blocks away from my new house. I watched him as he tended to the foxes broken limbs. He was so tender and caring for the baby fox. I felt a pain in my chest and lower stomach as I watched him. The next day I stole some ointment and bandages from my fathers' bedroom and brought them with me to the boys house. Like the day before, he was sitting on the porch with the baby fox. He glared at me at first when I walked up to him and told me not to go near the fox. But his expression quickly changed when I held out the ointment and bandages. He looked confused, curious, and uneasy. Luckily for me, Naruto is a very forgiving person.

Smiling at the memory, I look down at my hands, my dirty, dirty hands. _When did I get blood on them? _I hear a grunt and I look down at floor, seeing a figure lying there, glaring at me. Oh, that's right. I was right in the middle of killing Sasuke. "Why are you doing this?" I ignore the question, setting the soiled knife down on the coffee table. I wipe my hands on the knee of my pants to get some of the blood off. I then look over at Sasuke, smirking at the scared look on his face. Oh, how surprised he was when he answered the door and saw me standing there. Expecting someone else, Sasuke? Oh, how even more surprised he was when I burst trough, slamming the knife in his chest. He tried to fight back, but he was in so much pain. Do you know how it feels to have a knife twisted inside you? Sasuke does. He knows well. I take a step closer, watching with amusement as he tries to scramble away. What happen to that badass attitude of yours Sasuke? Or was that fake too? Suddenly, I'm angry again. I reach down and grab Sasuke by the collar of his shirt. He continues glaring at me, with that _stupid UGLY _face of his. I'll _make_ it that ugly; I'll make you look like a monster. I'll make you look like the monster you are. How DARE you hurt MY Naruto!

I'm on top of him how, straddling him. I was pushing down on his throat with all my body weight, his shirt still grasped in my hands. Sasuke was gasping as he tried to kick and pull my arms away from him. "S-stop," he gasped struggling to get free. I grit my teeth, pushing harder. Tears filled Sasukes eyes as he stares up at me. I stare back, hating him more and more with each passing second. "What does Naruto see in you! Why does he love you! Why does he love you and not me! What do you have that I don't!" I scream, pulling Sasuke up slightly to slam him back down. Sasukes eyes widen more as I do this. I repeat the action, causing his head to hit the shelf sitting next to us. Items start to fall off it, photos, books, movies, figurines. Some of it hitting Sasuke and me in the process. I ignore it and continue hitting Sasukes head against it repeatedly until something in the corner of my eye catches my attention; Narutos face. I slowly look over; sitting there next to Sasukes head, laid a photo. I stop hitting his head against the shelf to take a closer look at the photo. It was Naruto and Sasuke standing side by side. Naruto was laughing as Sasuke tickled him. He looked so… happy. He was happy with Sasuke. So much more then he would be with me. I can't make Naruto happy. I look away from the photo and over at Sasuke. He was currently gasping for breath.

Tears blurred my vision as I stare down at Sasukes face as color slowly started returning to it. Guilt and dread fill me. I quickly push myself off him and franticly glance around me. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Sasuke sits up slowly, staring at me with confused eyes as he weakly holds onto his throat. He struggles to stay up as blood trickled down his arm. I look down at the coffee table, spotting the blood-covered knife. I quickly pick it up, looking back over at Sasuke, who was carefully watching me. I quickly walked back over to him and grabbed hold of his shirt as he gasped in pain. I hold the knife to his throat, leaning down so my lips were inches from his ear. "You are to NEVER see Sakura again. Naruto deserves to be happy," I whisper hastily before pushing him back and bursting out the open door.

I'm sane, just ignore my blood-covered clothes and crazed look in my eye.

I'm standing outside a home. The knife is still held firmly in my hand. More blood trickled down the handle to the blade, dripping off onto the ground. I stared at the ground, watching as tears and blood make puddles around me. I hear the door to the house open and an orange blur came running towards me, barking. "Gaara?" I look up, hearing my name. Naruto was standing there, wearing his blue and orange pjs. He was so adorable. "Gaara!" he's running towards me now. Everything feels weird; kind of like the feeling you get when you're in a strobe light and everything is skipping forward every few seconds.

How did I end up on the ground? Naruto's kneeling next to me, screaming for help. "Gaara what happened?" He asked pulling at me so my face was inches from his. Tears were streaming down his face as he holds me. He looks over my body, trying to find the source of the blood that was slowly surrounding us. He stops when he reaches my wrists. Holding them to his chest, he lets out loud sobs. "Why?" He asks, more tears and snot running down his face. Blood was flowing out from several deep long gashes on my wrist and arm. Naruto gently puts my arm down before quickly taking his shirt off. He wrapped it around my wrist and hugged it tightly, putting pressure on it. "Why?" He asked again, sobbing as he hugged my wrist tighter. I felt a tongue licking at my sweaty forehead as my vision starts turning black. "Somebody, help!" Naruto screamed, frantically looking around trying to see if anyone heard him. "Gaara," he whispered looking back down at me. He leans over, my wrist still held tightly to his stomach. He puts his head on my chest, sobbing loudly. "I'm sorry," I whisper back. Raising my free arm up to touch his soft hair. He looks up at me with a confused look. "Sorry? Gaara, please!" He begged. I couldn't answer him; I couldn't open my mouth anymore. Everything was turning black. Everything was disappearing. "GAARA! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"

I'm sorry I ruined your shirt.

I'm alive; just ignore my pulse as it slowly comes to a stop.


End file.
